The Big Lies About Aging

The real science of happiness, health and longevity for anyone who's getting older and feeling a little anxious or bewildered amid all the rapid social and technological change

Welcome back to all my Wise & Well subscribers, and welcome to those of you just joining. After a rejuvenating four-month hiatus that involved a lot of self-reflection, I’ve renamed and relaunched this newsletter, now Age Wise, to reflect my intense interest in navigating the reality of getting older in an era of unprecedented social and technological change that’s generating much bewilderment and angst, especially for those of us who’ve looped around the sun quite a few times. Age Wise aims to help you (and me) navigate the physical, mental and emotional challenges of aging and embrace the joy it can bring. We’ll take deep dives into how to make it so. If it’s not for you, you’ll find an unsubscribe link at the bottom. If it floats your boat, you don’t need to do anything but watch your inbox for a new post every week. —Rob

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Aging is hell. That’s what they’ll tell you. It starts in your 30s or 40s and never ends (until it does). Meanwhile, you’ll slow down, spread out, and struggle to remember why you walked into a room. You’ll grow grumpy and out of touch with the latest trends (AI, anyone?). You’ll never sleep a wink. And sex? Fuhgeddaboudit.

Lies. All lies. Except that bit about aging. We do age. No stopping that.

And sure, bad things can happen as we get older. Some of them become more likely with age. And of course some people are dealt a much crappier hand than others.

But here’s a little-known scientific truth: Negative outcomes—physical, mental and emotional—definitely become more likely if we think and fear they’ll happen. But none of them are necessarily predetermined, set in stone or unavoidable for the majority of people heading into old age.

Here’s a much more realistic view of the last few decades of life, which I’ve learned through personal experience (I’m 64 now), by watching and listening to other people who’ve aged, and in research and reporting science and health for more than three decades:

Aging can be awesome. If we let it be. If we embrace it. If we lean into the bits of joy and don’t get too wrapped up in the pain and misery. If we age wisely. And, sure, it helps if just a little luck comes our way. But luck isn’t always random—we can manipulate it in our favor to some degree.

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Finding happiness in old age, or at least equanimity and fulfillment, is largely a matter of perspective. How aging affects you depends on many things, including your expectations of what it will be like, how much you’re influenced by cultural norms and memes and influencer BS, and whether you let yourself be defined by the crappy things life throws at you.

For most of us, the idea of “old” shifts as we age. Surveys find that millennials typically view 59 as old, while Boomers put the threshold at about 73. When I was in my 20s, anything 50-plus seemed ancient. In my 50s, 70 seemed old. Now that I’m in my mid-60s, 70 doesn’t seem quite so old anymore. Most people I’ve asked have experienced a similarly evolving perspective.

Our view of aging changes, and when we get there—if all goes reasonably well, as it does for a majority of people despite what the more sensationalized anecdotes suggest—it’s not as bad as expected, and often it’s much better, and so we want some more.

If only we could look ahead, see ourselves down the road living a reasonably good life, then maybe this whole getting older thing wouldn’t generate so much subconscious anxiety. Well, through science, we sorta can. And the science tells us that older people, on average, are happier than people in midlife. Sure, they’re more apt to have some aches and pains, but for those who take care of themselves throughout adulthood, and who win the lottery of good fortune, being 50, 60 or even 80 and up can be a glorious time of life. The best time, many older folks will tell you.

This newsletter presumes we should embrace aging, even with its uncertainties. It’s going to happen regardless.

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I’m not promising that your later years will be perfect. Certain aspects might already suck. But it’s crucial to put our focus on the good and not just the bad, and not let depressing myths and misconceptions stir up worry over the future when there’s plenty to worry about in the present.

That’s why this newsletter exists: To help shape a healthy perspective on aging, no matter how old you are now, and guide you in taking some reasonable steps to up your odds of living longer and staying healthier and happier well into whatever years you consider “old.”

To be clear, this is not an anti-aging newsletter. The field of anti-aging research and those who peddle pills and potions to stop or reverse aging is packed with loads of bullshit. There’s no magic pill or potion to stop or reverse the process of aging, no discovery on the horizon that’s going to extend human life by more than a handful of years. At the biological level, however, we can slow down many aspects of the aging process, through exercise, good sleep, good relationships, having purpose in life, eating well, and adopting other healthy habits and positive mindsets.

I spent the last four months thinking about all this, and I’m excited now to spend every week investigating how to age wisely and well, and sharing what I learn with you. After all, the only years we have left are those in front of us, and it seems pretty unproductive, arguably foolish, not to look forward to them.

Until next week, age wise.
Rob

The Age Wise logo is in beta. It’s meant to convey an “oh, well!” approach to aging. We’ll see if it sticks.